Ten Tips for New Dads

Tips for New Dads – You and Your Family Magazine

Tips for New Dads.

As a regular contributor to the US magazine “You and Your Family” I was asked to write an article for new Dad’s!.  Have a read and feel free to share it with any new fathers…….

Tips for New Dads - You and your family Magazine

Ten Tips for New Dads

So you’ve recently become a father or are about to begin the journey? Becoming a Dad for the first time can often be a daunting prospect. Especially if you were void of a good role model in your own life growing up. Research tells us that around 47% of fathers today still believe that their role in those first three years of their child’s life is that of a “Helper” – rather than a “Primary Care Giver”. I would suggest to fathers everywhere that they begin to embrace the idea of being a “hands on father” and realise that you were never meant to simply be a “helper”. Your intimate involvement from the first day of your child’s life is just as vital as that of their mother.

With this in mind, I’m going to give you Ten of the Best Tips I can on how to approach fatherhood that will greatly support your journey.

 

  1. The Pregnancy – Yes those first nine months of your child’s life that begin inside your partner are wonderful opportunities to begin connecting with your new baby. Softly stroking the stomach, and talking gently to your -soon to be born bub- will let them know that the environment they are about to come into is warm and welcoming. 
  2. The Birth– Gone are the days when the Dad would wait outside while the baby is born. Your role is to be right by your partner’s side, holding her hand and giving any support you can. The arrival of your beautiful child is a moment no father should ever miss. 
  3. Coming Home – Helping to prepare a nurse for the arrival of your new baby is a wonderful opportunity to connect with your partner and shows your commitment to making sure your baby feels loved and welcomed into the family home.
  4. Changing those nappies – Being a hands on Dad means plenty of kinaesthetic involvement. It’s vital you feel comfortable and confident holding and cuddling your new tobaby. They want to feel the strong hands of their Dad coupled with his gentle voice and soft heart. Changing nappies, washing their bums and giving warm baths are all vitally important moments to begin to connect deeply with your new arrival.
  5. Facial recognition. – In those early months your new baby will begin to focus in on your face, it will recognise vital facial expressions that tell them whether their world is safe or not. A loving, calm reassuring smile will mean the world to a distressed crying baby and will go a long way to soothing the moment.
  6. Heart Entrainment – Try and hug your little one as often as you can – your chest against theirs. I good time for this in the shower when they can feel your skin on theirs. Hold them close to your beating heart and this will begin a heart entrainment between the two of you that will last a life time.
  7. A Peaceful Environment – Try not to argue in front of your baby if you can help it. Keep their world as peaceful as you can. Soft music rather than a loud TV will help enormously
  8. Bedtime – As they begin to grow, make bedtime one of the most important times  connect with your children. Bedtime stories are a great way to send your children off to sleep – begin reading to your children as early as possible. There is so much more being communicated then just the words.
  9. Love is everything – Surround your children in a sea of love. Not only with them, but just as importantly -with your partner. Remember – their watching you all the time.
  10. Fatherhood is the greatest gift! – Nothing compares to the gift of being a father. It allows you to feel the deepest love imaginable, and gives you the greatest opportunity to invest your life in someone else’s. Enjoy every moment you can, because they will grow up quickly before your very eyes. Every day that pass’s with your children you can never get back. When your final moment arrives on this earth you’re most wonderful memories will want to be of holding your child for the first time, looking into their eyes and feeling the unconditional love that only a baby can bring. 

I wish you nothing but joy and happiness in your journey ahead.

Darrell Brown –

Kim Ledger (Heaths Dad) – An inspirational father and a great man.

Heath Ledgers father Kim is an inspirational father who loved his son dearly.

kim Ledger

In my role as a freelance cinematographer I had the opportunity to meet and interview Kim Ledger this week for a Sydney production company who were doing a story on the dangers of prescription medication. I met a man of real courage who spoke openly about the devastating loss of his son Heath. He told me how passionate Heath was about acting and remembers at the very young age of 12yrs, Heath telling him “Dad, I’m going to be a famous actor one day”. Kim didn’t think much of it at the time…little did he know.

A self made man, Kim was a very successful business man in his own right. An inventor with a design background he built and ran several companies around the country. However his passion for his family and being a wonderful husband and father to all his children was always a major driving factor in his life.

As Heath’s career began to take off, Kim also took on the role of Heath’s manager, successfully dealing with all that Hollywood had to offer. He watched proudly as Health took on more and more demanding roles making the acting world stand up and take notice of this boy from Perth.

Having a confident loving father obviously inspired Heath to believe in himself and his ability to conquer the world. After the interview I spoke with Kim about the great need for fathers to stay involved in their boys lives. I mentioned by book and he graciously asked if he could buy a copy. I was honoured to sign my book and hand it over to this great man.

Another example of a father who loved his son with all his heart and soul.

Darrell Brown  Feb 2016

Perth Lord Mayor Excited About Book On Raising Boys

Perth Lord Mayor Excited About Book On Raising Boys

I had the opportunity to meet with Perth Lord Mayor Lisa Scaffidi this morning.  She graciously accepted a copy of my book and showed great interest in what I had to share about raising boys.  She quickly asked if I was on Twitter, we connected and she has promised to share the book via Twitter.  Lisa was really excited about the book and showed great interest in sharing it with her followers in an effort to spread the word about the importance of raising boys.

Perth Lord Mayor Excited About Book On Raising Boys | Lisa Scaffidi | Darrell Brown Fatherhood Author

 

 

Happy Father’s Day Dads!

Happy Fathers Day

Today is a big day for Dads everywhere and for those men who have the privilege of being involved in the lives of all children, not just boys!

In honour of this special day I wanted to share an extract from my book.  It has to be one of my favourite pieces and I hope you enjoy it.

This was also a feature article in The Australian Newspaper on Friday.  You can read the feature on-line here. Here I am below in shock at the massive pic of me and my boys in the paper on Friday!

How To Raise Boys | Raised By Our Childhood Voices | Darrell Brown Fatherhood Author | Father's DayBeing There!

The clock on the wall was just about to tick over to 3pm.

Most guys I knew didn’t finish work until at least five; some didn’t get home until after seven. I was sitting in a boardroom listening to two men talk about the long hours they had been working.

One was sharp and young, a partner in an advertising agency I was doing some work for. The other was his client, the chief executive of a company that manufactures kitchen stoves and associated ­appliances.

The chief executive mentioned he had been starting work before 6am and not getting home until after 8pm. Not to be outdone, my agency friend explained that not only had he been working similar hours but he was also taking work home with him that he continued after ­dinner.

You could see they both wore their long hours as some sort of badge of honour.

My silence in these conversations probably said more than any words could. Instead, my thoughts drifted off in the direction of my two boys and what they might be doing right now without me. I looked across at the chief executive and saw a picture of his family next to the computer on his desk. His wife had given him five beautiful children. Knowing how much time I spent with my two boys, I knew that five must have been a big responsibility. I wondered if he knew his children as well as he knew his business.

My agency friend was also married and had two young children of his own. He had arrived that morning in his new two-door ­silver sports car. I had asked him somewhat jokingly how he ­managed to squeeze his two kids into the back seat. He had replied with a smile: “Only just!” I remember thinking how difficult it would be for their little faces to peer out of those tiny windows — the world rushing by and no way to see it.

Sadly, today many men are becoming more detached from their children when they are needed more than ever.

So many men now put corporate success before their family.

Somewhere, our culture took a turn down the wrong path, and I think we’re way past that point when we should all realise we are going the wrong way.

The clock moved towards 3.15pm, signalling my favourite time of day. I loved being home when the boys arrived back from school. It’s an experience shared by only a small group of ­extremely fortunate fathers. I could always hear their footsteps as they came running down the driveway and along the side of the house. If I timed it right, I could walk out of my office just as they ran straight into my arms.

“Daddy! Daddy!” they would scream. Their small, lightly framed bodies would catapult forward and collide into mine with a thud. Of course, it wasn’t the force of their little bodies that hit me; it was the power of love deep inside. Who would have thought love could be so strong?

It’s funny how nature can sometimes become a metaphor for your own life.

Sitting outside on the back porch one night, I found myself staring at a couple of moths dancing around a light globe. The moths appeared totally mesmerised by the light, the warmth, the brightness and the glow. They would leave the light momentarily to venture off into the darkness, only to return quickly and slam right back into the shining globe.

That was me. I was the light … and my boys were the moths.

If there’s anything more powerful in this world than the love you feel for your children, I haven’t discovered it yet. As with all experiences, you can’t feel anyone else’s love, just your own. Someone can tell you how much they love you, but all you can ever feel is the love you have in return. Since the boys gave me the opportunity to feel the deepest love imaginable, it felt natural to want to spend most of my waking hours around them.

To love this deeply is to find your life’s purpose. Anything beyond that is a bonus, and can only ever take second place. Even finding a cure for cancer wouldn’t measure up. Perhaps if we all could experience a love this pure, there wouldn’t be any cancer.

As a freelance cameraman, I usually would average about three to four days’ work a week. I liked it because I could make a good wage and still have plenty of time to spend with the family. Some people used to ask me why I didn’t start my own production company or expand my talents into other areas.

The truth is, I could never think of anything to do with my time that would be more valuable than being with my boys. Sure, the extra money would have been nice. But at the end of the day it seemed so insignificant compared with the responsibility I had taken on as a father. Many years stretched ahead of me, years in which I could make money. But time with our children is lost with every passing day. Besides, I had never heard of any father lying on his deathbed saying, “If only I’d had made more money.” More often than not, their biggest regret was that they didn’t spend more time with their children.

Now going on 16, my boys will soon be getting their driver’s lic­ences and heading off on their own life journeys. The tiny frail bodies, so soft and subtle as little children, are now tall, strong and hardened with time. However, although their external frames have changed greatly, I feel their hearts have remained the same.

As their father, I still hug them as tightly now as I did back then. A handshake just won’t do. I still kiss them goodnight and tell them how much I love them, every day.

Those big bright eyes and beautiful smiles still remind me how lucky I am to be a dad. I know I can’t get back those early years: changing their nappies and washing those tiny little bums; waking up on Christmas morning to see if Santa and his reindeer had come; climbing up into the tree house and watching the world go by; hearing them coming home from school and then feeling them thunder into my arms.

Even today, I can still hear the distant echoes of laughter from Cody and Taylor, chasing each other down the hallway as fast as their little legs could take them. I can see it as clearly as if it all happened just yesterday. Is this what lies ahead for us? In some ways it doesn’t seem fair.

They say we hold our children’s hands for a while but hold their hearts for eternity. This thought warms my own heart and allows me to breathe a bit easier. I think of the many great years ahead and the possibility of grandchildren. Surely I will still have much to contribute as a grandfather? Maybe that’s another book. One I have yet to live.

I dearly hope that in raising our boys the way we did, Jules and I have given them both a childhood voice that will serve them well in later life. There are no guarantees, but perhaps the constant loving voices of an adoring mother and a strong emotionally available doting father will be enough. As parents, Jules and I were more than happy to be their “best bet”.

I think of two little boys with voices screaming as they ran towards me crying, “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!” and how those little voices inspired me to live the greatest life I could.

As a father of two young boys, I did my best to examine my own childhood and look at the things that didn’t work. I am now grateful for all those experiences, and at the same time I have made a conscious choice to change the things that didn’t work. In the end, it’s not what happens to us in life that counts, but how we deal with it. As new parents, we not only have the responsibility but also the opportunity to make sure our own children have the greatest start to life we can give them. Mostly, this comes from bathing them in ­unconditional love.

Edited extract from Raised By Our Childhood Voices: One Father’s Journey to Raise Confident, Connected, Compassionate Boys, by Darrell Brown.

Happy Fathers Day!

To purchase a copy of my book visit our on-line shop or purchase a copy (Kindle only till late September 2015) from Amazon.

A Heartfelt Thank You For Your Support | Raising Confident Boys

It’s All About Raising Confident Boys

Wow what a whirlwind of a week it has been!  I have had so much support for the launch of my book this week and just wanted to say a big thank you to anyone who has been a part of this journey.

From the extensive media interviews right through to my book launch last night, surrounded by family, friends and respected peers, to the upcoming celebration of Fathers Day this coming Sunday, it has certainly been a week to remember.  It’s all in the name of raising confident boys and being a voice of a Dad, for Dad’s, encouraging them to be the best Dad they can be.

More great news I wanted to share is that yesterday my book became a #1 best seller in both of it’s categories on Amazon.com.au and is also a best seller on the main Amazon site making it now an international best seller.  Blown away by that!

Darrell Brown | Best Selling Author | Amazon | Raising Confident BoysThis “launch week” isn’t over yet but I am certainly looking forward to spending time with my family this coming weekend and sitting back and taking in all the excitement and celebration of the week.

Leading by example is certainly one big lesson when it comes to raising confident boys and I look forward to being able to share more of my insights with you over the coming days, weeks, months and years.

If you would like to you can listen to some of my interviews, read the on-line features and of course buy a copy of my book.  All the relevant links are below!


 

Listen to Darrell talk about his new book on 6PR with Gary Adshead by clicking below


Listen to Darrell talk to ABC Radio’s Babytalk Presenter, Penny Johnston by clicking the link below and read the article on-line here


Read the feature and book extract in The Australian Newspaper here

Buy the book on Amazon (Kindle only right now but paperback coming soon!) or via our on-line shop.